Sorry for not posting the last few days, I got super busy over the weekend. I also apologize for leaving my On title theme, but this is a subject I need to talk about today.
There are days that life just throws curveballs at you and suddenly you find yourself curled in a ball on the floor (figuratively but sometimes literally too I guess). This happens a lot more often than normal if you live on a farm. With all the animals you have to deal with and take care of and everything breaking or people getting hurt all the time sometimes in the barn it seems like nothing goes right anymore. And during those times you have to sit back and ask “why do these things happen?” Sometimes life just isn’t fair at all.
Just yesterday afternoon my favorite barn cat got ran over by a feed cart. His name was Flopsy (featured above and below) and even though he was a few months old he became like a son to me. I used to have one named Chippy who also died, and Flopsy was the closest I had been to a barn cat since. Some might question why I get so attached to barn cats if they die a lot just because of sickness and other circumstances and it’s really, mainly because I can’t help it.
Of course with the curveballs comes the guilt. When the unexpected comes, a farmer usually can’t help but blame themselves. Yesterday since my dad was the one pushing the cart he blames himself. And even though I tell him not to, because it’s nothing anyone could’ve done to stop it I can’t help but blame myself too. I was the one who made him tame and therefore he kept trying to follow me and come after me and other people without learning how to move, with his only thought of being by people and he was probably trying to find me when he died builds up my guilt even though I know I shouldn’t because there wasn’t anything we could’ve done like I just said, but it happens and it’s inevitable.
And even through all this and even right now as I sit here and write out my feelings I can’t help but take a deep breath and tell myself that God has a plan even when we don’t see it and even though my heart is breaking somehow someday I’ll see what that plan is.